learning to correct

Raden is a brilliant little man. He’s eccentric, he’s loud, he’s funny, he’s creative, he’s a sweetheart, he’s a monster … he’s an awesome kid. There is no doubt he is a handful. When he’s in a mood, it takes superior levels of self-control and deep breathing to keep your cool. (Tracy started me on the deep breathing, and it definitely works.) It is all to easy, when your two year old yells at you, to yell back. When he hits you, to smack him back. When he flips out, you flip out. It’s total stimulus-response behavior, and it affects me just as much as it affects him.

I’ve been very short-tempered since coming home from Iraq. Nothing abusive, by any means, but I’ve found my boiling point to be very low, and my patience very thin. I have been very stern in my discipline with Rad. He smacks his sister, he gets a gruff talking to and a spanking. He says “no” to Tracy or me, he gets another gruff talking to and a trip to his room until he can cool down enough to apologize. I have no problem with this.

Today I tried something a little different. The same discipline for the same offenses, but at a much lower volume, in a much calmer tone. I made a very deliberate effort to control my own temper while dealing with his. I allowed him a few seconds of his own little flip-out time, then sat with him until he could get passed his not-real-words routine and talk with me about what just happened. I made sure all the important info was there - what he did, why that’s not correct, what to do instead next time, etc. - and we ended with an apology from Raden to me (or mama, or sister).

This may seem a bit touchy-feely for you hard-liners out there, but it worked. It all but squashed the same behavior for much longer than with a typical disciplining. Rather than there being thirty seconds between sister-smackings and “NO!” episodes, we managed to go a full five or even ten minutes.

Still no magic involved, but I like to think I’m getting better.