a soldier’s tale (part v of vi)

You have likely already heard about my naked cooking episode, but the photographic evidence is reproduced again here, for the sake of cohesion.

In case you were wondering, yes, the camera adds about five pounds directly to my head.

In a dinner revolt at the thought of molesting our freshly made pasta with canned red sauce, River tossed both jars of Classico into the clothes hamper. Only one survived.

Since I missed Halloween (and since a favorite pastime of any child anywhere is to dress up in Halloween costumes), the kids threw an impromptu fashion show for me. Buzz Lightyear and Little Ladybug attended.

Without further explanation, this is a picture of four Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets in the back of a toy dump truck in the backyard.

And a shot of a hornet building a nest. NOT ON MY WATCH! Unfortunately for him, the hornet was unable to escape my deadly precise aim as I bathed him in RAID.

And another picture of my fat head with my delicious 50mm f/1.8. I love how you can really see the open shutter on this one.

And not to go all Georgia O’Keefe on you, but here’s a shot of Tracy’s blooming orchids. Beautiful.

Because chronic forgetfulness and time constraints often impede our ability to actually bake cakes, we had cupcakes for River’s 2nd birthday. It is worth noting the only thing in focus in this picture is the light switch in background center.

While home, and thanks largely to a significant tax return, I started the large task of covering up the amateur tattoos on my right arm. I entered the tattoo studio armed with (get it?) little more than a single word, and the project built from there.

Jesse Perrin, the artist from 808 Tatoo in Kaneohe who took the word “phoenix” and turned it into a beautiful, free-hand, custom piece of artwork, seemed to know exactly where I wanted to go with the project, and I am extremely pleased with its progress.

In all I spent about twelve hours under the gun, with at least another twelve to go until completion. Unfortunately Jesse is moving back home to Iowa in June. To finish the work, I either need to hop a flight to Sioux City or rely on another artist.

Funny side-note: the old tattoos on my forearm are bits and pieces of artifacts from the Legend of Zelda franchise. Well-intentioned but poorly-executed, I found no way to really complete the picture. This is why I ultimately decided to proceed with a cover-up. During the second session, just as my Triforce was being covered in black and green ink, a young man with a NES cartridge-adorned t-shirt reading “Blow Me” came into the shop. About an hour and a half later I saw him leave with a fresh and excellent Hylian Shield tattoo on his shoulder. The Universe does, indeed, keep itself in balance.

So photographically speaking, that’s it. Sure, we did more than is pictured above, like going to the mall, dinner at Chili’s, breakfast at Anna Miller’s, and renting a few kayaks and taking the kids out to Lanakai to paddle to a small island, but not all of it was caught on film.